Mourning Loss Is Unique
It's that time of year when everything green is dying and we delight in the changes in colors around us. Delighting in the end of a season, knowing all things must die to bring rebirth. We celebrate the scariness and ugliness with costume and ornamentation. We celebrate the black and the bleeding, the orange, and the burning, the yellow glow of shimmering flames reminding us of loss and helping us burn through the pain.
The way we mourn is often a reflection of the way we live life. Each culture has a way of mourning. But what about when that fanfare passes and you're left alone to walk the road of mourning. This is a road we all must walk alone. Even if it's a family losing a partner, parent or a child. This passing is devastating to the whole, but also personal to each. Death is not the only time we mourn. We mourn our passing youth. We mourn our changing relationships with people. We mourn our loss of a job and our place in the community.
Life is change. Change is life. We can not have one without the other. All the things we find beautiful in life come with change.
So how come it's so hard and hurts so much?
We have attachments to things not changing. One thing is to accept that we have these attachments. And by this acceptance, we learn to ride the waves of change. These attachments are not wrong, they just are. This is part of the human experience. We are beings of love and compassion, no matter what the world shows us at times. We are all enduring these changes in our own way. Some may lash out and blame others, some may hide from everyone. Just as there is no one way to love, there is no one way to mourn. When we learn to be accepting of each other's personal ways of greaving and the changes that come to us, we become change wave riders. This is not to say it will be easy.
You must walk each step of the greaving prosses before we can walk back to feeling our normal selves.
Here are the 6 steps of the grieving prosses: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance then the final step letting go. I have added letting go because acceptance is not always letting go. For some, acceptance can mean living in the pain. When we come to this "letting go", our hearts open again and the pain is a healed wound, no longer a bleeding wound. You will always carry this scar but the wisdom is a strength you can offer others without a word, there is a knowing you share.
Each will come to the steps of grieving in their own way and time, it's complete chaos in this process, so remember to be kind.